Making Things Up Again

Do you ever feel like you're not really living your life? Like you're just making it up as you go along? I envy people who went to college, got a job, met someone, set up household, well, you get the idea. I never did that. First of all I viewed education as a series of hoops to jump through, and I really had no idea what I was going to study in the way of marketable skills. I just studied subjects I liked. I didn't give a sustained thought to what I would actually do. I naively thought that the job part would just happen.

Fast forward to the present:

Unhappy in West Virginia and not feeling like I was doing anything productive at work, I decided to move to North Carolina. I've always liked it here. The people are friendly, and a bit more, shall we say, progressive, without being smug about it. I don't pick up any of that snob appeal you sometimes run into in large cities. In other words, in North Carolina you can drive a hybrid and shop at Whole Foods and not be a dick about it.

The truth is I still don't know what I'm going to do, really. Sometimes I think I'd like to partner up with someone and open a small studio for fitness and maybe yoga. Or go to peoples homes with some bands and maybe some suspension equipment (I took a suspension class last week and absolutely loved it. Its so much more invigorating to me than just standing there lifting weights). But I don't like loud gyms and I don't like large groups of people. (Thankfully, the suspension class was a small group. And, yes, I'm well aware about going out of one's comfort zone, more on that in another post). I'm also a slow learner. I was never known as Mr Universe, thus my ego gets in the way when I feel weak when doing something, so I just try and force it out. It never occurs to me, or, I get so caught up in the moment, or just simply can't concentrate, that I forget the value in a slow, controlled, movement.

So to wrap this up so I can get back to studying, I have no idea what I'm going to do, and I'm going to try and not let that scare me. I mean, you're not going to think with any clarity if you're obsessing on the stress.

I'm having a terrible time with the vocabulary. And with recall. I've heard that's sometimes a problem with adult learners.

I wish now I had moved down here sooner, and got myself familiar with the area and then started class. 

It's moments like this that I feel like I'm just making it up as I go along.